Sometimes I ask myself, "Why can't I get this by now?" Why is this so hard? Why can't I just stop overeating and be motivated to exercise more? Then I think, I need a plan. I need to get into action, get my shit together and just stay on it! Then it becomes a battle between me and the willpower to stay with the new plan. I feel that in order to succeed I must beat my willpower into submission. I am weak, no good, never make it... And it goes on and on. I'm the monkey on my own back treating myself like shit in order to reach a goal that I'm infatuated with, a belief that obtaining this goal will satisfy my life... Then I cant take it anymore and I binge. I'm off the wagon. I'm no good...see you failed again!
Ugh, does any part of this vicious cycle sound familiar to anyone?
In the past I always felt that I needed to implement my own militaristic style of control over my behaviors in order to keep myself from acting badly. But when I do that, I end up rebelling against myself and run towards all the bad things I've been forcing myself to avoid. I felt that if I was accepting or gentle with what I wanted to change about myself, I'd get lazy, I was giving in, and Giving up
Think about this: If you love someone else, do you treat them badly and put them down all the time? NO! If you love someone, you treat them well, with kindness and respect. Why is this so hard for us to do for ourselves. I recently had an Ah-Ha moment when I realized that all this negative self talk leads me to treating myself harshly by the end of the day. What if I change my outlook to love and acceptance towards myself... will I start treating myself better? will I want to naturally take better care of myself and my health?
Throughout my journey I find that the more gentle and loving I am to myself and the less harsh and restricting I am, the better I actually treat myself. When I'm in a place of self love and acceptance, I respect and honor by body. I'm more in tune with what I need to do to take care of myself to meet my goals. I can ask myself "am I really hungry right now and if so, what am I really hungry for?" or "what physical movement would feel good to my body right now?" instead of being obsessed about all the BAD food I shouldn't be eating or how much exercise I need to do to burn off the calories I just consumed.
So I say, ENOUGH ALREADY! Be nice to yourself. This is the only body you have to carry you through life. If you live in a nice house and have nice things, you don't trash your house. You treat it well, take care of it and ask others to do the same. Why aren't we like that with our bodies and ourselves?
Negative thoughts and ideas still float through my mind frequently. The change has been that now I recognize them as such and dismiss them instead of adopt them into my self conscious.
I challenge you to think of Love and not Hate next time you start feeling bad about yourself and want to embark on a path of change.